At the kitchen table, Chester Bennington taps his pencil on the table, hoping some inspiration will spring from the monotonous rhythm. He scratches out the words on the notepad. He screams, throwing it.
Kiiara leans against the wall, emotionless. She puts both of her hands on the mirror.
He puts on a shirt, the television fuzzy and unwatched in the background. He leaves his house and gets into his sports car.
Kiiara, sitting in the circle, wearing a black hoodie, twiddles her thumbs, half-listening to the person talking about their depression. She thinks of how she broke the mirror. The glass broke her skin and she didn’t feel a thing.
Back at the kitchen table, he motions his hands, thinking of a melody. He screams out in frustration. Bennington’s subconscious eyes him, believing he’s crazy. He circles the table and pounds the table, pressuring him to think. His subconcious shouts he is a hack and starts to smash the mirror and vases.
He walks into the community center and sits on the uncomfortable plastic chair. He greets one of his friends. Kiiara observes. He begins to talk about his writer’s block. A long-haired guy begins to argue with him, saying it’s not a real problem and challenges him to a fight. The group leader, a woman, steps in front of them, stopping them.
At her home, Kiiara sits on her bed. Her subconscious sits on the other side of the room, kneeling on the floor.
Bennington leaves the meeting. Kiiara’s subconscious wanders on the rooftop, taking questionable steps. The group members try to calm the long-haired man down.
Bennington goes into the men’s bathroom and cries. He hits the mirror.
Kiiara puts down her hood and walks out of the meeting. Bennington’s subconscious sneaks up behind him and pulls him to the ground, punching him.He fights back, pushing his subconcious to the mirror, breaking it from the force.
Hearing the noise, Kiiara walks into the men’s bathroom. He shields himself but puts his hand down she sits next to him, saying hello. She touches his shoulder as he puts his head into his knees.
Some days, Chester Bennington believes he’s a failure who can’t write a meaningful word. Although the words have a rhythm in his mind, it doesn’t match what’s on the paper. He’s not able to find the right word and it’s as though he’s stuck inside the maze of his mind, caught at a thorny bush without a flashlight. Feedback, although important, would only demoralize him. He wouldn’t believe it if anyone said it was great but having say it’s awful would crush him. There is no middle ground and he’s crumbling in his self-made hole.
He attends support meetings to talk to people. Usually, people are comforting and offer solutions. But every once in a while, someone says he’s entitled and spoiled, considering he has experienced success. He is able to bite his lip and brush it off. But after battling writer’s block for several months, with record executives breathing down his neck and fans needling him for new work, he goes off. He leaves to be by himself and cry from being overwhelmed for so long.
Kiiara has become withdrawn. She stays at home, in bed, unable to get up. She attends the meetings to appease her doctor but doesn’t participate. She believes most of the wallow in their pain, thrilled to be numb. To her, it’s a joke. Bennington is the only other person who seems human to her. His outburst was full of such emotion, something wish she could unlock, but can’t.
The subconscious, for both Kiiara and Bennington, manifests itself as the worst version of themselves. Bennington’s inner mind is belligerent and abusive. Kiiara’s, though, is similar to her outside self: catatonic and expressionless, she wails in silence. Although it may be seem as though her character is underdeveloped, it’s actually controlled. Her character’s impact needs time to sink in and be examined. When she touches Bennington’s shoulder, it’s the first twinge of love she has felt. Someone is able to reach her.
Director: Tim Mattia Year: 2017
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