In a rundown church, Kesha, in a coffin, with a blindfold over her eyes, asks “Am I dead?” As the two pigs over her drool, their teeth bared, she thinks “Is this one of those horrible dreams that seem like they last forever?”
She lies on a raft on the ocean, continuing to question her existence: “If I’m alive, why?” She wonders why she was abandoned to God or whoever is listening. While she opens her eyes, she thinks what the purpose of it was. She asks God for a sign, saying she’ll give up otherwise and to let her die.
She sits outside, her vanity facing the screen door. Wearing a red tinted robe, she gets up and uncovers a baseball bat.
Wearing a angel’s costume, she performs at the piano in the garage. She walks past a wall with critical signs all over it such as “Don’t be yourself, “you’re too thin” and “Democrats are evil.”
In a lime-green outfit, she walks down the street, wearing a veil decorated with butterflies. She smudges the red paint on her face. At her vanity, she draws a blue line across her cheek.
She walks into the rundown church, with the crimson lit cross, and kneels, bowing her head in prayer.
Wearing a multi-colored dress, she runs across the sand with a beige flag.
Back in black-and-white, she stares up at the sky while she lies on the raft.
With a net around her, Kesha stands in a tree, weaving around. Then, with a sequined star robe, she walks through the trees and multi-colored painted homes.
Wearing embellished wings, she walks to a hill, where a cross is perched. Painted on it is “God Is Love.” She walks up the yellow-painted steps and sprays some electric blue smoke. Between the homes, the two pigs chase her.
In black-and-white, a multi-colored bird flaps it wings next to her. She sits up on the raft. By the wall, she begins to smash the signs. She prays at the bench and is able to fend off the pigs.
Back in black-and-white, she watches as a dolphin’s fins surface and pets it. She collapses onto the sand. In color, she rises up from the raft and views the ocean.
At the altar, blood streams from her eye as she looks up at the cross. She steps off the raft and into the water, walking towards the rainbow with the dolphin as her guide.
The aftermath of the rape haunts Kesha in her melancholy monologue as shame seeps into her body. She blames herself, believing it was a punishment and wonders if God exists at all. Numb and alone, she thinks of committing suicide. She doesn’t want to live anymore.
Kesha’s once glittering face is smudged with lipstick and paint. She exists in a decayed dreamworld of multi-colored, marshmallow-shaped homes, where she is the prey to two pigs. They hover over her, snarling, waiting to eat her. Traps are set in the backyard of the homes. She squats by a home, out in the open and plays piano in the garage to feel something again.
She wants to God to listen and save her from the pigs. She has to know she will be okay. Hope, love and kindness seem to be absent in her reality. Away from the fading homes and carnivorous animals, she has to know God exists.
Director: Jonas Akerlund Year: 2017
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