Brendon Urie sits in the ring, his face bruised. He hits the punching bag and then walks into the ring, his coach taking off his robe. His opponent smashes his fists together. Urie’s coach pours water over his head.
During the match, Urie is able to get in some punches and knocks his opponent out. The emcee holds Urie’s arm in the air, declaring him the champion. A handful of confetti flies in the air. Two women, one on each side, pop open a champagne bottle in celebration. The woman on his right pours it right into his mouth. He spits up in the air in a golden burst. He holds onto the trophy and purses his lips.
While sitting at his computer, he reads a note from his now ex-girlfriend that she doesn’t love him anymore. He puts his hand over his eyes and sobs. He touches the frame with his fingers and reads her status update of “Finally Single” on social media. He shakes his head and then puts his thumbs by both eyes. He ugly cries.
He picks up his cellphone and hit his ex-girlfriend’s contact info. He is prepared to hit send but then starts yelling at it instead. He throws his phone on the couch, shuts off his laptop and puts his arms up in the air.
Another handful of confetti flies in the air as the host hands him a check for a million dollars for not caving in and calling his ex-girlfriend. Two women in bikinis break out the champagne as he jumps up and down.
An old lady with a walker stands at the cross street. Urie runs to help her. As he puts his arm on her back, he scrunches his face, stressed that they won’t make it to the other side of the street. However, they reach it just as the counter says zero.
The mayor hands him the key to the city. A guy walks by with a boombox. Another handful of confetti flies. The women in bikinis return with the champagne.
At the bar, he sips his drink and checks his phone, missing his ex. However, he sees a beautiful woman sitting across from him. The bartender places a drink down by him, saying it’s from the beautiful woman. He takes the shot.
In the middle of a field, he rubs his fists together as a team of men in blue tank tops plan their strategy against him. They both run to get a ball. Urie yells before his throws his ball. It lands on the ground of the other team who stare it bounce towards them. All at once, the blue team throws their balls at him, knocking him to the ground. The beautiful woman returns to pick him up and help him recover. More rationed confetti and women in bikinis with champagne.
At home, he and the beautiful woman clink their wine glasses. She gets up from the couch and he looks at the frame, which now has a photo of them inside. She tosses her shirt in his face as his eyes bulge out.
All the other scenarios are revisited again but with extra footage. He kisses his new girlfriend.
Brandon Urie’s ugly cry is not the Dawson Leery level of camp but it’s the inspiration for it. Multiple viewings of Dawson’s Creek season three finale of “True Love” must’ve been on a loop. However, it’s uncertain if the overabundance of champagne and bikini-clad women led to the confetti ration. The lack of confetti amidst the over-the-top celebration seems more like budget issues rather than something that was planned.
Despite its few flaws, Urie’s malleable face stretches into some great reaction shots that maintain the kitschy humor throughout, even when some scenes are recycled. He is dedicated to the cause of getting a laugh out of people and it’s endearing. Even when he’s trying to be arrogant, he is awkward and seemed as though he has finally realized the dream of beating the bully who used to steal his lunch in elementary school.
For Urie, karma has finally come back and he can post all the memes on social media with pride with all cap status above saying “YEAH BITCH” over it.
Director: Brandon Dermer Year: 2015
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