Before the game at Bingo’s Bail Bonds Stadium, Katy Perry sits on a pyramid of basketballs. She raises her arms and the pile topples. A flying basketball hits the custodian on the head.

During the pregame show on Swish Center, broadcasters Bill Walton and Rich Eisen comment on the lack of talent on the Tigers Roster. The Sheep’s coach (Terry Crews) works out with a bar bell as he walks around the court. The Tigers’ coach (Molly Shannon) rushes through her How To Basketball book. On the bench, the Tigers slurp on the their sodas and eat.

At tipoff, the referees do a dance and a group of women (Sydelle Noel, Britney Young, Kia Stevens & Jackie Tohn) flex their muscles. Perry gets the ball but it a player from the Sheep team steals it out of her hands.

The Tigers’ coach gestures for her team to run to the other side of the court. A members of the Tigers’ team, Christine Sydelko inhales the ball. Perry gets hit by it and Dexter Mayfield is amazed as he holds it in his hands. Perry aims for the dunk but fails. She bounces over the stars, the earth and the universe. Tigers’ coach writes HELP on her board and then injects Perry with an intravenous steroid.

On the screen, the Just Dance game plays the song. A member of the Sheep team spins two basketballs on her fingers. Perry blows on a deflated ball which fills it with air and tosses at the Sheep team member. She balances balls on her body and he breaks one in half.

During the second quarter, the Sheep team member picks Perry up. The Tigers’ coach doesn’t know what to do. She puts her hands on her stomach and breasts while the Sheep rack up the points. Once Perry is put down, she runs to other side of the court and cries. Another Sheep team members hands Gaten Matarazzo some balloons, lifting him off the ground. Jenna Ushkowitz gets the ball and Perry calls for her to pass it to her. Jenna passes it and it hits four people, knocking out Perry. Rob Gronowksi holds up a cardboard sign, asking “‘When Does Football Season Start?” The Tigers’ team members check on her and then drag her off the court.

The stadium darkens for Nicki Minaj during the halftime show. Towards the end of her rap, the dome flashes golden lights while dancers perform a routine behind her. At the bench, Minaj tosses Perry the ball, telling her to “get it together.” Perry hugs the ball.

On the bench, Perry tears food away from her teammates. Mayfield puts a cardboard cutout of himself on the court, fooling a Sheep team member and passes it to Perry. Perry dunks the ball over and over, eventually breaking the glass on the backboard. The Sheep Coach’s head explodes. The Tigers’ coach makes out with a referee.

Confetti falls from the ceiling as the Tigers celebrate their victory. Perry shakes the trophy. A picture is taken and placed in a plaque in the trophy case.

Rating: 1/5

It was the least watched Championship game in the history of basketball. Both teams had managed to squeak through the playoffs after various players on favored teams were injured. It allowed them to upset the major teams and play in the finals.

The diehard fans attended the finals. Most didn’t want to waste their ticket or had sold them to other people. Otherwise, the seats remained unfilled. The Sheep were expected to win. To everyone’s surprise, the Tigers had managed two wins, tying the series.

The Tigers, though, were ready for the season to be over. Some had cancelled vacation plans while others were already gorging on their post-season diet. Katy Perry, though, wanted the championship. She could taste it. All her life she wanted to say she had won something and now was her chance.

Nicki Minaj inspires her with her words and she realizes she can do it. She gets her team into shape and they pull off the victory. A day later, her phone is ringing with people asking for endorsements. She squeals as a reporter’s voicemail, wanting an interview. She has made it and is no longer a joke.

Director: Dave Meyers Year: 2017

 

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