Video Review: Ariana Grande “thank u, next”

Referencing the 2004 film Mean Girls, a young woman says to the camera that “one time on Twitter, I heard Ariana was pregnant so I got pregnant so we could be pregnant at the same time. Turns out it was just a rumor.” She turns against the locker and rubs her belly. Aaron Samuels (Jonathan Bennett) said that she told him his “hair looked sexy pushed back” and adds that “she’s not wrong.” Bethany Byrd (Stefanie Drummond), sitting next to her best friend, states “Ariana broke off an engagement. So I found a guy to propose to me and I broke off an engagement.” A young man (Troye Sivan) says he has “heard that she’s a lesbian and bedding some chick called Aubrey.” He comments that “it’s fucking sick.” Bethany’s best friend says “I heard if you record her snoring and play it backwards, it sounds like Fantasia.” A second young woman says “Ariana says ‘oh my god, knock me out’ so I decided to punch myself in the face. It was awesome.”

Ariana sits in her bed and writes in her burn book. She pastes a photo of herself with Pete Davidson and writes “sorry I dipped.” Back at school, she walks with Aaron, Cady (Elizabeth Gillies), Gretchen and Karen in the hallway. She pushes the young man into the locker. She and her best friends perform for the school’s talent show. Her mom (Kris Jenner) films it in the audience.

Referencing the 2000 film Bring It On, she walks into her best friend, Missy’s bathroom to brush her teeth. Missy’s brother, Cliff (Matt Bennett) joins her. She picks up a mixtape and dances on the bed. She performs with the cheer team at the football game. The East Compton Clovers cheerleaders argue with her.

Referencing the 2004 film 13 Going on 30, she carries her dollhouse to the porch as she watches the love of her life get married. As she cries, the pink sparkles take her to a college campus.

Referencing the 2001 film Legally Blonde, she walks with her dog to class and studies on a lawn chair. While at the beauty salon, she talks with Paulette (Jennifer Coolidge) and says “he was really cute and it was really big.” Paulette applies her lipstick and says “I’ve only gone out with one guy who had a big front tooth and I liked it because he never got anything stuck on the front teeth. But,” she adds, “have you ever gone out with someone that had no teeth at all.” Grande answers “no.” She exercises on the treadmill in her dorm and teaches Paulette how to bend and snap at the salon. Her dog sits on pink floater in the pool. The UPS man dances with Paulette.

Back at the school talent show, her mom shouts “thank you, next, bitch!” at her daughter.

Rating: 5/5

Ariana Grande is the person every young woman wants to be. Men have never been a problem for her. Aaron Samuels has been her longtime boyfriend. She got engaged to him junior year. Her mom praised her decision and told her she had helped to pick out the ring. She said she was excited and couldn’t wait. Her mom scheduled appointments at the bridal store and went to the sex shop with her. Rumors swirled around school it was because it was pregnant. Although her friends and classmates congratulated in the hallway, it didn’t feel right to her. She ended the relationship.

Cliff was a good guy. She threw himself at him after the breakup. He was more than happy to go out with her. She liked him but he wanted a serious relationship. She couldn’t do it. Cliff was the one who got away, though. Once she reached 30 years old, she realized she was alone. She found Cliff and reconnected with him. However, he told her he was getting married. The next week, her boss fired her from the magazine. She needed a change.

She enrolled at law school and became friends with her nail technician, Paulette. Paulette gave her moral support and assured she would pass her classes. She wanted to help Paula gain confidence and find a boyfriend. Being a Plastic seems so long ago. Cady is the only person she talks to from high school. She realizes her placed her value on her looks and popularity. She didn’t want Cady to have Aaron. However, after attending their wedding, stepping aside was the best thing she ever did. She needs to stop trying to replace Aaron in her life, though.

Director: N/A Year: 2018

Pam Avoledo Administrator
Pam Avoledo spends her time binge-watching classic teen dramas and stands firm in her pro-Leyton stance. She also received her journalism degree in 2006 from Oakland University. Her work has been published in the White Wall Review, Sledgehammer Lit ,Greatest City Collective & 45 Magazine . Fevers of the Mind, and forthcoming in Daily Drunk Mag\'s Kirstofia anthology.

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