Video Review: Van Halen “(Oh) Pretty Woman”

Two male midgets grab and touch a young woman (International Chrysis) tied to two wooden poles at a ranch. IN a cabin, a hunchback views the midgets on the television and believes the volume button can help stop it. He climbs the ladder to the outside of his cabin and claws at the midgets from afar. Gripping the ledge, he screams and returns to cabin to call for help.

He first calls a samurai (Michael). The samurai yells as his points his sword. The samurai pours out his beer and gets on his horse. Tarzan (Alex) tucks his knife in his loincloth and hollers while he leaves his hut. A cowboy (Eddie) stirs tosses his cigarette from his mouth and spins his gun around his finger. The samurai rides his horse in the desert. Napoleon (David Lee Roth) writes in a book. Tarzan runs through the field. The cowboy and his horse gallop through the mountains. Napoleon walks down the palace hallway.

The samurai, Tarzan and cowboy confront the midgets at night. The midgets untie the young woman and back away. Everyone watches as a car pulls up. Napoleon stares at the young woman. The young woman takes off her wig and smiles at him.

Rating: 2/5

The hunchback slurped on his breakfast while he watched his friends, the midgets on the television. They had left a few days, telling they were going to bring him back a girlfriend. He hugged them and promised he would love her forever. However, on the television, he sees the midgets hurting his girlfriend. The heroes need to be called.

Napoleon advised they would be jailed. Tarzan told there were many starving animals in need. The samurai assured him a quick defeat with his sword. The bullets would pierce their hearts, the cowboy told him.

Once the samurai, cowboy and Tarzan arrive, they stand prepared to challenge the midgets. The young woman dodges back and forth, screeching from fear. Napoleon offers her his hand and comforts her with his tranquil voice. The young woman takes off her wig and winks. The heroes exchange confused glances. Napoleon asks if they really was any trouble. She puts her hand over her forehead and faints. The hunchback thanks him as they carry the young woman inside. Tarzan ties up the midgets and watches them as they tend to the young woman.

Director: N/A Year: 1982

Pam Avoledo Administrator
Pam Avoledo spends her time binge-watching classic teen dramas and stands firm in her pro-Leyton stance. She also received her journalism degree in 2006 from Oakland University. Her work has been published in the White Wall Review, Sledgehammer Lit , Greatest City Collective & 45 Magazine and forthcoming in Daily Drunk Mag\'s Kristofia anthology.

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