Video Review: Taylor Swift “You Need To Calm Down”

In her trailer, Taylor Swift sleeps in bed, wearing a “calm down” mask over her eyes. A sign hangs in her room, stating “Mom, I’m A Rich Man.” She sits up and crosses her legs on the bed.

She checks her phone while in the kitchen and tosses it onto a sheet. As the blender whirs, she adds cotton candy to it. Her trailer burns as she walks away from it, carrying her drink. Butterfly tattoos dot her back as she pulls up her jacket.

She floats on canary yellow ring in an above ground pool.

Rainbow flags hang at the entrance of the trailer park.

A young man (Dexter Mayfield) dances in front of his rainbow trimmed home while his friend (Hannah Hart) holds up the boombox for him. A thirtysomething woman (Laverne Cox) walks onto her lawn, decorated with pink flamingos and waves to her neighbor (Chester Lockhart). Her neighbor faints.

Swift and one of her friends (Todrick Hall) link arms as they walk through the park.

A second young woman (Hayley Kiyoko) practices her archery as she shoots a Nazi target. Protesters chant in a circle.

A third young woman (Ciara) officiates the marriage between two men (Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Justin Mikita). A third young man (Tan France) carries a cup of tea as he passes by a group of toothless protesters. He joins Swift, Hall, and four other men (Bobby Berk, Jonathan Van Ness, Antoni Porowski and Karamo Brown) at the table. They clink their tea cups.

A fourth young man (Adam Rippon) serves a couple some Sno-Cones from his stand. A fifth young man (Adam Lambert) tattoos a sixtysomething woman (Ellen DeGeneres) in his home.

Swift, Hall, and several other people sit on the yellow lounge chairs and hold up their books while the protesters yell at them. A fortysomething woman (Billy Porter) walks in front of the protesters.

During the Pop Queen Pageant, people race up to the stairs. Tatianna (Ariana Grande), Trinity “The Tuck” Taylor (Lady Gaga), Delta Work (Adele), Trinity K. Bonet (Cardi B), Jade Jolie Jesse (Taylor Swift), Riley Knoxx (Beyoncé), Adore Delano (Katy Perry) and Akeria Davenport (Nicki Minaj) compete. The host (RuPaul) walks on the stage, holding the crown on the red pillow. He throws the crown in the air.

People dig their hands and fingers into the cakes and shrimp. A food fight starts by the pageant stage. Swift, wearing a French fries costume, looks around. She spots a thirtysomething woman (Katy Perry), wearing a cheeseburger costume. They walk towards one another.

A fortysomething man (Ryan Reynolds) paints the Stonewall Inn.

The thirtysomething woman and Swift dance and then hug.

On a pink screen, a message reads: “let’s show our pride by demanding, that on a national level, our laws truly treat all of our citizens equally. Please sign my petition for Senate support of the Equality Act at”

Rating: 2/5

Taylor Swift chugs her drink as she walks in her trailer. She shouts at the protesters to “shut up!” and slams her door. Despite the men who dipped into her savings account and left her, she believed she was going to find a banker while at the grocery store and marry him. The sign hanging up in her bedroom gave her hope every day that it could happen.

She hadn’t known many LGTBQ people before she had moved into the park. Living in the suburbs, she suspected at least one of her neighbors as being gay. However, she hadn’t thought of them much as she calculated her current boyfriend’s paycheck. Then the foreclosure notice came and she called up her family for help. They recommended a realtor to her, who took her to the trailer park. Her realtor told her the place was cheap. The police maintained an eye on the daily protesters, who stood outside and tried to run the LGTBQ people out of the area.

Todrick Hall, though, became one of her best friends. He taught her the slang. While talking with her sister, she told her not shade her and that she was sipping a lot of tea. Her sister had laughed and asked her where she learned those words. She met with Hall’s group of friends every week and drank tea. They gossiped about their neighbors and mocked the protesters. The LGTBQ people were rather good people. But she bit her lip whenever her conservative sister pleaded her to move back in with her and away from those godless people.

Directors: Drew Kirsch & Taylor Swift Year: 2019

Pam Avoledo Administrator
Pam Avoledo spends her time binge-watching classic teen dramas and stands firm in her pro-Leyton stance. She also received her journalism degree in 2006 from Oakland University. Her work has been published in the White Wall Review, Sledgehammer Lit ,Greatest City Collective & 45 Magazine . Fevers of the Mind, and forthcoming in Daily Drunk Mag\'s Kirstofia anthology.

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