Ed Sheeran, his face painted as skull, shakes his head as young woman passes him by him during the Day of the Dead celebration. She hangs up her hat. He puts on his hat and turns around. His eyes and tongue bulge out.
With long, permed hair, he sits at a table at a restaurant. He smokes while he holds his dog in his lap. The host asks him to leave and he handwaves her request.
Wearing a robe, he waters his lawn and swats at a bee flying by his face. It stings his eye. With his hand over his eye, he exclaims “Wanker! Fuckballs!” and walks back inside his home.
At his desk job, he takes paper out of the robot’s hand. Two of his co-worker drink their coffee and watch him as he tosses a pencil at the robot. Inside a glass box, he stands in the back of a pickup truck and sings. Bluebirds hit the glass and get stuck. As he smokes his pipe, he stands on the rock and looks out his binoculars as a boat arrives to the shore.
During an advertisement, two fiftysomething women sell “Edible Ed.” They run their hands across his chest. To the left of the screen, a box reads: “made in a facility that also processes nuts *organic non-gmo.” He mouths “help me.”
Travis Scott works out and flexes during his exercise show. Sheeran jumps around in his family room. His mother sits on the couch and sighs. Scott looks with his own pair of binoculars as he stands on the rock with Sheeran and sits with him at the restaurant. Someone touches his hair and Scott’s eyes and tongue bulge out. Scott, wearing a spacesuit, walks on a planet. He takes off his helmet and his head explodes.
A 10-year-old boy screams in the dentist’s chair as Scott examines his mouth.
Sheeran, with a mullet, watches a fight break out as he sits by his mobile home in the trailer park. Scott, with an enlarged pasted-on head, kicks two ninjas.
At a diner, Sheeran asks Scott “if I can have your last fry.” Scott taps his phone and mumbles, “I got a lot. Hang on.” Sheeran responds with “what?” Scott tells him to “eat the damn fry, Ed! You can have all the fries.” Sheeran takes a fry from Scott’s plate. Sheeran says it’s cold and horrible. He spits them out on the plate.
The dental assistant shakes the hand of the young woman being interviewed for the billing job. The dental assistant wants to tell her to run, that she’ll hear the traumatized screams of young children and adults as she works and question where she is in her life. The dental assistant stands over a 10-year-old child in the chair. She squeezes his hand. Scott had little bedside manner. There was no comfort. Only pain.
The receptionist helps a walk-in and lets the person know the wait time is about 20 minutes. The dental assistant sees the young woman’s perfect mouth. She won’t stand a chance. She wonders if the woman has read the reviews online or is a masochist. The real clients were dropping off fast each week. She tells the receptionsit she’s going on her break and takes her purse. She drives off in her car and never returns to work again.
The robot was just so polite. The pleasant voice put Ed Sheeran on edge. He cursed at the robot all day and called it a useless piece of crap. The robot said it was recording everything he was saying and reporting him to human resources. Sheeran tells him to go ahead. His co-workers say hello to him and ask him about his day. Sheeran talks about his poor relationship with his girlfriend and mocks another co-worker. His boss walks up to him and asks about his quota. Sheeran says he’s working on it.
Director: Dave Meyers Year: 2019