Video Review: Taylor Swift “The Man”

A thirtysomething man (Taylor Swift) stands by the window of his office of his company. As he walks out, an assistant hands him a piece of paper. He gestures for his employees about the importance of money. He fist pumps another male employee. His employees stand up and clap for him. 

On the subway, he smokes his cigar. A thirtysomething woman a few seats over coughs. He drops the ashes into a fiftysomething woman’s lap as he checks his watch. While reading the paper, he discards the other sections on the woman’s lap next to him. He pees by a graffitied wall.

He screams into his cellphone on his yacht and walks between a dozen women, wearing yellow bikinis lying on white blankets. A server hands him a glass of champagne. He tells the server go away. The women dance beside him as he slicks his hair back with champagne. 

A young woman sleeps in his bedroom as he gets up. He looks in the mirror and walks down the hallway. In the hallway, he hits several plastic hands as he runs through. He checks out a young woman while he sits at the fountain with his daughter. He taps his daughter’s head as he talks on the phone. The young women swoon as he picks up his daughter. A World’s Greatest Dad sign is erected by the fountain and he flexes his muscles.

At the club, he drinks with his friends. One of his friends snorts drugs off a young woman’s stomach. The men place money on her stomach. During a charity event, he yells at the referee and smashes his tennis racket. He throws a tennis ball at him.

58 Years Later…is noted on the screen. Now eightysomething, he kisses his twentysomething wife at the church. She flashes her gigantic ring as he kisses her on the cheek. He shoves the cake in his wife’s mouth and she breaks out into tears. 

He walks off the set and asks the director, Taylor Swift if that was she was looking for in his performance. Swift tells him, “Pretty good.” She adds for him to make it “sexier and more likable.” He nods, saying it’s “no problem” and returns to the tennis set. Swift sits back in her chair. She calls out “By the way, excellent work over there, Lauren.  That was astonishing.” Lauren replies, “thanks!”

Rating: 5/5

The thirtysomething man snorts cocaine in his office. He pats his secretary on the butt as he walks past her. While walking in the halls of his company, he declares that he is a God and all must bow to him. His employees clap and say that he’s the best boss he had. Several young women walk up to him and rub his shoulders. He puts his arms around and walks with them back into his office. 

He puts on t-shirt as his secretary tells him his daughter is there. The young women put their clothes back on and leave his office. He puts on his jacket and waves to his daughter. He tells his secretary that he’s leaving for the day. His 10-year-old daughter calls him by his first name and asks him if he can come to parent/teacher night. He puts on his sunglasses and tells her he’ll be busy but maybe next time. 

At the park, he flirts with the other mothers as his daughter plays on her tablet. She tells him she’s hungry. He shushes her while he’s on the phone. As they leave, the other mothers tell him he’s such a good dad. He says her mother is crazy. However, he takes care of her the best he can. Sometimes, it’s once a month even thought it’s supposed to be every other weekend. The other mothers tell him that’s all right and he’s just providing for his child. 

He marries again and ends up in rehab. His second wife divorces him and tells him she’s pregnant. He tells her to take care of it. He can’t have any more children. His daughter, now a teenager, doesn’t talk to him. He sleeps around and continues to use drugs. The lawsuits start piling up at his company. He sells his company to a shareholder. Almost every weekend, he receives a message from a one-night stand that they think he’s the father of their child. He has several women he keeps around. However, he doesn’t settle down  againuntil he’s about 80. She was a pretty girl and figured she’d suffice to take care of him. However, she ignores him and goes shopping all day. He goes over his will with his lawyer, saying he’d like to split his inheritance with his 10 kids. His oldest daughter, though, gets the most. His current wife wasn’t going to get nothing. She was cheating on him anyhow. His lawyer asks him to sign. He signs and asks to go to the hospital. 

Director: Taylor Swift Year: 2020

Pam Avoledo Administrator
Pam Avoledo spends her time binge-watching classic teen dramas and stands firm in her pro-Leyton stance. She also received her journalism degree in 2006 from Oakland University. Her work has been published in the White Wall Review, Sledgehammer Lit ,Greatest City Collective & 45 Magazine . Fevers of the Mind, and forthcoming in Daily Drunk Mag\'s Kirstofia anthology.

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