Lauren Alaina stands between two versions of herself (one in royal blue and in candy red) by three golden lit doors. An 8-year-old girl stands in front of mirror and pulls her back. At 12 years old, , she analyzes her body in the mirror. The 18-year-old takes small steps and turns with defeat. Alaina fluffs her hair.
The 8-year-old puts on lipstick as she sits in her bedroom. Doves fly by within a screen as Alaina sings. Alaina walks into one of the doors and into the 8-year-old’s bedroom. A hand appears on the screen. Flowers roll by. The 12-year-old girl reads a fashion magazine and pushes her dinner away on the kitchen table. Alaina sits next to her 12-year-old self and gives her a kiss.
Messages on screen tell her: “you’re a great singer, Lauren, you just need to lose some weight.” Another message reads: “nobody likes you.” Her twentysomething self scrolls through other negative messages on her phone as she sits on an amplifier. Alaina takes the phone away and hands her a microphone. The different versions of herself and Alaina pour different color powder on the instruments. It blows everywhere as they play.
Lauren Alaina checks the settings on her social media. Some negative phrases were still showing up. She removes the words. Slumped in her chair, the comments run through her mind. She knew none of it was true. However, it was still getting to her. She picks at her food but manages to finish it.
In her early 20s, she might’ve quit. She almost did. It was far more than she could handle then. The strangers’ voices mimicked her own thoughts. She tried every diet in response and still people weren’t pleased. The brief period where she felt good about her body was gone. Being in the public eye had stolen the confidence she had gained in herself. Eating was a chore. But she knew she couldn’t miss a meal. She set up therapy appointments.
During high school, she fainted in the middle of class. She was rushed to the emergency room and was diagnosed with a eating disorder. Her parents told the doctor it wasn’t possible. She ate every night. They threatened to take her home. She told her parents the doctor was telling the truth and that she wanted to stay. People at school said she was being overdramatic and it was for attention. She didn’t dispel the rumors. It was preferable to them knowing she didn’t like herself enough to eat.
Director: Chris Hicky Year: 2016